Dating hard to get
If something is unavailable or scarce—think Kanye’s Yeezys—it becomes more appealing.“Be easy to be with but hard to get.” Their advice reflects the underlying belief that being unattainable enhances a man’s interest.
Playing hard to get backfired with one important exception: the men were more motivated to pursue the woman who played hard to get but, and this is a big but, only if they had chosen her from the set of photographs in the first place.
Over the years, the Rules philosophy seeped into our collective consciousness and became “common knowledge.” Lizzie’s comment sums it up: “Everyone knows that the best way to get the guy is to play hard to get.” Many of the women I meet today have never read or even heard of these books but have absorbed the message.
They play hard to get—not because it is a dating philosophy—but because they have accepted it as fact.
Research suggests that men like women who are hard to get for other men but who are friendly towards them.
Psychologists call this “selective desire.” In aexploring selective desire in action, single men overwhelmingly preferred women who specifically showed interest in them and who expressed zero interest in the other men.
The problem is that this approach to dating doesn’t work.